For as long as I can remember the word ‘fellowship’ brought to mind coffee, donuts, maybe a potluck or two, and the presence of Christian friends or the church family.  Whatever the case, it involved food and people (when I moved to Virginia I fit right in with the Baptists).

In reading a pamphlet by Michael Pearl, The Protestant Confessional, I came to a new understanding of fellowship.  The pamphlet was on 1 John, specifically 1 John 1:9, which says:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

But prior to that pivotal verse John writes in verse 3:

…that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you may have fellowship with us, and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.

He can’t mean we are having lunch with the Trinity, so what is the true definition of fellowship?  According to Michael Pearl, ‘fellowship’ means to have a share in something.  Historically, when two people bought a plot of land together, they each had a share, or a fellowship, in that land.  They were partial owners and therefore receivers of the harvest the land would yield.

Verse three takes on a different tone when we replace the word ‘fellowship’ with its original concept of shared partnership:

…that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you have a share with us, and indeed our partnership is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.

Fellowship is not social interaction coupled with great food; it is much weightier.  Our fellowship with each other is not founded on the events we attend or the desserts we bring, but our ’share’ in Jesus Christ.  Adopted as sons of God upon salvation, we are fellow heirs in the inheritance of Christ:

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.  And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying “Abba! Father!”  So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.  (Gal. 4:4-7)

Our fellowship with Christ determines how we fellowship with others.  If we truly have a share in Christ, then as Paul wrote in Galatians, His Spirit dwells in us and will exude a Christ-like character that reflects the fellowship we have with Him.  No more gossip at the church potluck!

It’s a new perspective on what fellowship truly is.  It may change the way we throw the word around… it’s not something for Sunday afternoon.  It’s a way of life.

It certainly would not have always been that way.  For years I’ve been a minimalist:  I do what I need to do and no more.  I still fall back into those patterns fairly often.  And the feeling I had reading the syllabus wasn’t enough to get me through the semester, especially when the 25-page thematic analysis was due; I had to get past those same ‘feelings’ of discouragement and laziness to complete the project, but I got an A.

My generation — our generation — doesn’t place much priority on excellence.  ’Good enough’ is fine with them.  Within the last year I was challenged by 2 Corinthians 8:7, which says:

But as you excel in everything — in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you — see that you excel in this act of grace (generosity) also.

The Corinthians were already excellent in five areas of their lives and community, and Paul raised the bar even higher.  It made me wonder what bar I held for myself; was I striving to achieve anything?  Was I pushing myself?  The answer was no.  I didn’t try anything that made me tired, uncomfortable, or bored.

Because of my lack of interest in ambition and excellence I missed out on a whole level of experience and satisfaction.  I was convicted to pray for excellence in all areas of my life:  socially, physically, relationally, fiscally, and spiritually.  All parts of our lives are intended to bring glory to God; why had I never acted upon this?

It’s been a great adventure.  So many things have opened up for me since I made this commitment to excellence.  I am so far from reaching even the edge of this great virtue, but in my journey towards it I realize more about Christ and the calling that He has for each of us, including me.  It’s a high calling.  It’s a calling to go above and beyond.

I was at Barnes and Noble (aka Heaven) last night  just perusing the different aisles with my friend Angela. Title after title on war, peace, love, relationships, food, fasting, politics, music… every aspect of life, from the minute to the world-shaking, was discoverable.

I feel the same way at homeschool or Christian conferences; all those books for young women and men, ready to make us successful in life! I feel that there are more resources out there for girls than there are for guys; books on purity, waiting, dating, courtship, beauty, fashion, modesty… you name it, it’s out there.  There are so many conflicting perspectives, so many different takes on the same subject, that it’s hard to decide which to believe and which to buy!

The intricacies of life can be so overwhelming. We read books on true beauty to make ourselves less insecure.  We read books on relationships without one even on the horizon.  We read books on homemaking when we have a talent we’re afraid to use.  We read books on careers when we’re dissatisfied with being at home.  Of course, we do read books for the right motives too. But deep down, all the self-help we go to won’t address that greatest need.

Many of the books we buy address an outward manifestation of an inward problem. For instance, we read books on beauty and fashion because we are insecure about how we look.  Or, we read books about courtship or dating because we are consumed with a future relationship.  Rather than helping us, these books just feed the issue that initiated the reading in the first place.

It’s not the books’ fault. Often, we don’t even recognize what we are doing by reading them. These are good books to be reading, it is good information for life — but the question is:  Is this good information for my life, right now?

Many of the books we read don’t reach that deep-rooted need within the heart of every woman. They address our distraction, our emotions, our actions, and our words, but not always the reason we are acting the way we are.  I think there are three main struggles for women of all ages, but specifically for young women in today’s culture.  These three struggles are the ultimate reason we seek to change our outward character.

These are dicontent, insecurity, and hurt.

I know I have felt the pain of all of these in my own life, and I am sure many of my readers have as well. All of us have struggled with one of them at one time or another. Yet often we don’t realize that they are the cause behind our actions, and rather than address the disease, we only try to squelch the symptoms.

I know a girl here at Liberty who cannot take a compliment.  It’s not because she is rude; it’s because she is insecure. Yet she feels that it would be proud to accept a compliment on herself when her ’self’ isn’t comparable to the beauty of the world.  What a lie! Yet she consistently operates in that belief.  Should we give her a book on biblical modesty and fashion? Obviously there is a much deeper rooted issue at hand. She is insecure about her beauty, and reading about fashion will only frustrate her further when things don’t fit the way she thinks they should.

Or consider the girl who has dated multiple men since she came to school.  None of them are the kind she would have married, but that doesn’t matter to her at the time.  She seeks the attention and the ’status’ of having a boyfriend, because if she is without one she fears she will never find the right man. Should we judge her harshly and tell her to read up on courtship?  There is a bigger problem here. She is not content being alone, and is probably insecure as well. Her dating habits aren’t what needs to be addressed.  There is a motive behind her actions.

Lastly, what of the girl who met a man, one she thought was godly and trustworthy, and gave her heart to him?  What do we say to her when he proves to be less than he seemed, leaving her heart crushed and broken? Do we tell her that she was wrong to let her heart go that far, and thrust into her hands a book on emotional purity?  This woman is hurt. Her need is compassion; someone who understands. She is bitter and angry externally because of the bleeding wound inside.

A girl’s greatest need is not satisfied by correcting the problems of her outward character. When the inner need is satisfied, flowing out from that satisfaction is a joy and peace that does not come by works alone. What a girl needs most is the antidote to discontent, insecurity, and hurt: Contentment, confidence, and comfort.  These are not found in self-help books.  They are found in Christ.

This is the thesis of the current series I am working on. Readers advise:  Does this sound like something girls could use?  Comments welcome!

Have you ever tried to go a day without complaining?  I have.  I didn’t realize how much I complain until I tried to stop.  If I can’t think of anything to say, I say something negative, just to lighten the mood.

What we say is a direct product of what we think.  What we put into our minds, what we dwell on, meditate on, and consider, is what eventually comes out of our mouths.  This morning in my devotional I read a passage where Jesus was speaking on this exact subject:

Either make a tree good, and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad; for the tree is known by its fruit… for the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.  (Matt. 12:33, 34b)

We are the tree — “the planting of God’s hand” (1 Cor. 3:9) — and what grows in us can be good or bad.  Just as a tree produces fruit dependent upon how much water, sun, and care it gets, the fruit of the Spirit grows in us only when we cultivate a heart where it can thrive.  If we sow seeds of negativity in our minds, we will naturally complain,  for out of the abundance of the heart does the mouth speak (Matt. 12:34).

It is a conscious decision to make our tree good.  When we seek the Lord, his goodness fills us and overwhelms our own nature, which is evil, and we can grow the fruit of his Spirit in ourselves.  Rather, he grows it in us.

*Here’s something to try if you struggle with negativity or complaint like I do.  Put a bracelet on your right wrist, and every time you complain switch it to the other wrist.  Make it your goal to keep the bracelet on one wrist for a whole day, then a whole week, and so on.

I remember clearly the day my Dad came home from the dentist and told me what the dentist told him.  There had been a young woman in the office a few days prior; a pretty girl, dressed well, with a nice car and a fairly nice life by all appearances.  She walked into the office with a Diet Pepsi in one hand and threw it away before brushing her teeth and going into the office.  When Dr. Andrews peeked into her mouth, he told my dad, he had never seen such terrible teeth in such a pretty face.  What he said then sticks in my mind:

“You can tell the quality of a woman by inside of her mouth and the inside of her car.”

That may sound very strange at first, and maybe that’s why I remember it so well.  But think about it!  If you don’t keep your teeth clean and healthy, what about the rest of your body?  If you don’t keep your car clean and running well, what about the organization of the rest of your life?

I remember another description of a quality woman.  This was from a lady I highly respect.  She said, “You can tell the character of a girl by the condition of her fingernails.”

Teeth, car, and fingernails.

I have made a goal for myself, for 2010, to become a “well-rounded woman”.  No, that doesn’t mean eating a lot of chocolate (that would be too easy).  My goal is to strive for excellence in every area of my life — from my spiritual life to my academic standards to my toenail polish and overall appearance.  It might sound like a tough theme to live up to — but I realized at the beginning of this year that the excellent life is the life God calls us to.  It is expected.

“5) For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,and virtue with knowledge, ⁶ and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, ⁷ and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. ⁸ For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  (1 Peter 1:5-8)

Peter is describing a Christian (we’ll assume she’s a woman for the sake of this post) who understands that her Christian effectiveness is vitally connected to her dedication to excellence. Everything in our lives is intertwined.  Take, for instance, the fruit of the Spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Each of these are dependent upon the others.  If you are full of God’s love, you will also be filled with his joy, and will have his peace, and so on.  Ultimately, all these attributes come from the source of God’s character.

For our own character to be complete, it must be excellent in all ways.  It must be well-rounded; no jagged corners or rough edges.  No, we will not be perfect!  However, we will have a heart attitude that God can work with.  It’s that insidious little idea that creeps into the back of my mind — and perhaps yours too — that I can slack off on this chore, or this subject, or this character issue.  God calls us to be diligent and not slack off on anything!

There was a time that I hated brushing my teeth.  Hated it. It may sound absurd, but it was true.  Because I tended to leave the house with the breath of a Great Dane, my dad had to teach me the hard way.  I will never forget the day I had to go to a 4-H meeting wearing my toothbrush on a string around my neck.  To be excellent (even up to par) in society, I needed to brush my teeth.

There was also a time I abhorred vacuuming the car.  It’s definitely a bus, and with six kids it gets dirty fast!  Once I had my own car, however, I wanted it clean.  I realized the necessity of keeping my car in good shape not only for my own interest, but to make the value of the vehicle stay as high as possible.  I wanted to get places without worry.  To do that, I had to have excellent (running) transportation.

I love painting my nails, but my nails are long and they chip very quickly washing dishes and riding horses.  The smell of nail polish remover isn’t pleasant either, so my motivation to get rid of old nail polish isn’t always keen.  However, a true lady keeps up her appearance, and no one wants to look at chipped, dirty, ugly nails.  Looking nice is not for our own sake.  Rather, it is for the ease of those we see throughout the day.  We look nice so that we are pleasant to behold!

Being an excellent woman is demanding, but it is at the same time a goal that is rewarding in all ways.  Consider your own life — what do you need to change to be well-rounded?

The fingers on this keypad are in need of attention.  I better go grab that nail polish remover…