Posted By Phylicia on April 17, 2010

I have decided that there are a lot of books in the world.

I was at Barnes and Noble (aka Heaven) last night  just perusing the different aisles with my friend Angela. Title after title on war, peace, love, relationships, food, fasting, politics, music… every aspect of life, from the minute to the world-shaking, was discoverable.

I feel the same way at homeschool or Christian conferences; all those books for young women and men, ready to make us successful in life! I feel that there are more resources out there for girls than there are for guys; books on purity, waiting, dating, courtship, beauty, fashion, modesty… you name it, it’s out there.  There are so many conflicting perspectives, so many different takes on the same subject, that it’s hard to decide which to believe and which to buy!

The intricacies of life can be so overwhelming. We read books on true beauty to make ourselves less insecure.  We read books on relationships without one even on the horizon.  We read books on homemaking when we have a talent we’re afraid to use.  We read books on careers when we’re dissatisfied with being at home.  Of course, we do read books for the right motives too. But deep down, all the self-help we go to won’t address that greatest need.

Many of the books we buy address an outward manifestation of an inward problem. For instance, we read books on beauty and fashion because we are insecure about how we look.  Or, we read books about courtship or dating because we are consumed with a future relationship.  Rather than helping us, these books just feed the issue that initiated the reading in the first place.

It’s not the books’ fault. Often, we don’t even recognize what we are doing by reading them. These are good books to be reading, it is good information for life — but the question is:  Is this good information for my life, right now?

Many of the books we read don’t reach that deep-rooted need within the heart of every woman. They address our distraction, our emotions, our actions, and our words, but not always the reason we are acting the way we are.  I think there are three main struggles for women of all ages, but specifically for young women in today’s culture.  These three struggles are the ultimate reason we seek to change our outward character.

These are dicontent, insecurity, and hurt.

I know I have felt the pain of all of these in my own life, and I am sure many of my readers have as well. All of us have struggled with one of them at one time or another. Yet often we don’t realize that they are the cause behind our actions, and rather than address the disease, we only try to squelch the symptoms.

I know a girl here at Liberty who cannot take a compliment.  It’s not because she is rude; it’s because she is insecure. Yet she feels that it would be proud to accept a compliment on herself when her ’self’ isn’t comparable to the beauty of the world.  What a lie! Yet she consistently operates in that belief.  Should we give her a book on biblical modesty and fashion? Obviously there is a much deeper rooted issue at hand. She is insecure about her beauty, and reading about fashion will only frustrate her further when things don’t fit the way she thinks they should.

Or consider the girl who has dated multiple men since she came to school.  None of them are the kind she would have married, but that doesn’t matter to her at the time.  She seeks the attention and the ’status’ of having a boyfriend, because if she is without one she fears she will never find the right man. Should we judge her harshly and tell her to read up on courtship?  There is a bigger problem here. She is not content being alone, and is probably insecure as well. Her dating habits aren’t what needs to be addressed.  There is a motive behind her actions.

Lastly, what of the girl who met a man, one she thought was godly and trustworthy, and gave her heart to him?  What do we say to her when he proves to be less than he seemed, leaving her heart crushed and broken? Do we tell her that she was wrong to let her heart go that far, and thrust into her hands a book on emotional purity?  This woman is hurt. Her need is compassion; someone who understands. She is bitter and angry externally because of the bleeding wound inside.

A girl’s greatest need is not satisfied by correcting the problems of her outward character. When the inner need is satisfied, flowing out from that satisfaction is a joy and peace that does not come by works alone. What a girl needs most is the antidote to discontent, insecurity, and hurt: Contentment, confidence, and comfort.  These are not found in self-help books.  They are found in Christ.

This is the thesis of the current series I am working on. Readers advise:  Does this sound like something girls could use?  Comments welcome!

Categories: Godly Womanhood
Tags: Biblical womanhood, Christ, comfort, confidence, contentment, girls, godliness, women