Posted By Phylicia on January 13, 2010 | No Comments

I remember clearly the day my Dad came home from the dentist and told me what the dentist told him.  There had been a young woman in the office a few days prior; a pretty girl, dressed well, with a nice car and a fairly nice life by all appearances.  She walked into the office with a Diet Pepsi in one hand and threw it away before brushing her teeth and going into the office.  When Dr. Andrews peeked into her mouth, he told my dad, he had never seen such terrible teeth in such a pretty face.  What he said then sticks in my mind:

“You can tell the quality of a woman by inside of her mouth and the inside of her car.”

That may sound very strange at first, and maybe that’s why I remember it so well.  But think about it!  If you don’t keep your teeth clean and healthy, what about the rest of your body?  If you don’t keep your car clean and running well, what about the organization of the rest of your life?

I remember another description of a quality woman.  This was from a lady I highly respect.  She said, “You can tell the character of a girl by the condition of her fingernails.”

Teeth, car, and fingernails.

I have made a goal for myself, for 2010, to become a “well-rounded woman”.  No, that doesn’t mean eating a lot of chocolate (that would be too easy).  My goal is to strive for excellence in every area of my life — from my spiritual life to my academic standards to my toenail polish and overall appearance.  It might sound like a tough theme to live up to — but I realized at the beginning of this year that the excellent life is the life God calls us to.  It is expected.

“5) For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,and virtue with knowledge, ⁶ and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, ⁷ and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. ⁸ For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  (1 Peter 1:5-8)

Peter is describing a Christian (we’ll assume she’s a woman for the sake of this post) who understands that her Christian effectiveness is vitally connected to her dedication to excellence. Everything in our lives is intertwined.  Take, for instance, the fruit of the Spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Each of these are dependent upon the others.  If you are full of God’s love, you will also be filled with his joy, and will have his peace, and so on.  Ultimately, all these attributes come from the source of God’s character.

For our own character to be complete, it must be excellent in all ways.  It must be well-rounded; no jagged corners or rough edges.  No, we will not be perfect!  However, we will have a heart attitude that God can work with.  It’s that insidious little idea that creeps into the back of my mind — and perhaps yours too — that I can slack off on this chore, or this subject, or this character issue.  God calls us to be diligent and not slack off on anything!

There was a time that I hated brushing my teeth.  Hated it. It may sound absurd, but it was true.  Because I tended to leave the house with the breath of a Great Dane, my dad had to teach me the hard way.  I will never forget the day I had to go to a 4-H meeting wearing my toothbrush on a string around my neck.  To be excellent (even up to par) in society, I needed to brush my teeth.

There was also a time I abhorred vacuuming the car.  It’s definitely a bus, and with six kids it gets dirty fast!  Once I had my own car, however, I wanted it clean.  I realized the necessity of keeping my car in good shape not only for my own interest, but to make the value of the vehicle stay as high as possible.  I wanted to get places without worry.  To do that, I had to have excellent (running) transportation.

I love painting my nails, but my nails are long and they chip very quickly washing dishes and riding horses.  The smell of nail polish remover isn’t pleasant either, so my motivation to get rid of old nail polish isn’t always keen.  However, a true lady keeps up her appearance, and no one wants to look at chipped, dirty, ugly nails.  Looking nice is not for our own sake.  Rather, it is for the ease of those we see throughout the day.  We look nice so that we are pleasant to behold!

Being an excellent woman is demanding, but it is at the same time a goal that is rewarding in all ways.  Consider your own life — what do you need to change to be well-rounded?

The fingers on this keypad are in need of attention.  I better go grab that nail polish remover…

Category: Godly Womanhood

Tags: appearance, Christ, Christianity, education, excellence, girls, home school, homeschooling, hygiene, lady, manners, nail polish, teeth, young women

Posted By Phylicia on January 12, 2010 | 1 Comment

It was a bright fall day on Liberty’s campus.  I was standing with a new acqaintance discussing our contact information when he asked the inevitable:  ”Do you have Facebook?” I smiled and shook my head. “No, I deleted my account.”  ”Oh, okay.  Well what’s you cell number?  I’ll text you.”  I smiled again. “Well, here’s my number… but don’t text me.  I don’t have texting, and I get charged $0.20 per message.”  My friend’s eyes widened and he sighed noticeably.  ”What’s with you?  How do you communicate?!”

How do we communicate in this technologically advanced world?  There are more ways to contact your friends electronically (and immediately) than there are ice cream flavors at Coldstone.  We are asked constantly if we have Facebook, to be greeted with shock if the answer isn’t ‘yes’; while only five years ago there are many people who would have had no idea what one was talking about (Facebook?  Like, a photo album…?).

Many people say that enhanced communication enables us to connect with our friends and associates much better, therefore helping establish lasting relationships.  I beg to differ.

Before I begin, let me establish that I don’t think Facebook is necessarily wrong. What I believe is that Facebook and other methods of communication (like texting, IM, and other social networks) are universally abused. Concerning Facebook, what was once limited to Harvard students has taken the nation by storm.  We speak of ‘friending’ people as if the word was a verb.  Formerly, a ‘friend’ was someone you spent valuable time with, grew to know and love, and cultivated a thriving relationship with.  Now a ‘friend’ can be  just number 647 in your list of random acquaintances in cyberspace.

Because I have had a Facebook account I know the appeal.  It’s quick, it’s fun, there’s colorful pictures and addictive quizzes, and you can contact anyone in the world at the click of a button.  It seems like everyone has one!  Even my parents’ friends have accounts  – even my MOM has an account!  It can a be a great avenue to share updates and pictures with people far away.  And for that very reason, it can be very abused.

Picture with me a Christmas party, at which a young woman comes up to you in an outfit you are shocked she would wear in public.  Not only is she questionably (and obnoxiously) dressed, but as soon as she sees you she begins to give you the play by play of her current state of affairs:  ”I’m drinking a glass of champagne right now.”  You nod and smile.  She approaches you again. “I am enjoying riveting conversation at a dinner party.”  You agree, the party is grand.  She continues her verbal assault. “I love my new dress!!! (<3 LOL ) I am thinking of my boyfriend (LUV U!) .  Am wishing the snow would melt…”  She even pulls out her wallet and begins flipping through pictures of her family, her boyfriend, and the trip to Florida she took last month.  The funny thing is… you’ve only met her once before.

You wouldn’t do that in person, would you?  So why do it online? The basic rules of etiquette, and the formerly well-known ideas of common courtesy, should be just as applicable to our online personalities as they are to our real-time ones.  Which brings me to the subject of etiquette itself.

Assuming you wouldn’t assault someone in public with a verbal play-by-play of your thoughts and actions, let’s take manners to cyberspace for a  moment.  Just because we have every opportunity to talk about ourselves doesn’t mean we should! One of the biggest problems my parents and I (now that I have fully realized it) have with Facebook and the like is their propensity to narcissism.  Narcissism is inordinate fascination with oneself, or excessive self-love (Webster’s dictionary).  It is easy to see that our society is head over heels with itself.

You may wonder where I get the title for this post, and I’ll tell you:  because of the immediate gratification of social networks, the narcissistic satisfaction of being ‘out there’ in the public eye, and the shallow, self-centered basis of communication in general, our society is worse at communicating than ever before.  It is socially backwards.  For the majority of young people, they find themselves in the uncomfortable situation of having to communicate in a real world very different from the protection of their online one.  They can no longer control their presentation with the click of a button, and they can’t backspace their words.  They are socially unprepared for the real world.

I’d like you to consider texting as well.  Texting can be great because it’s quick, gets the message across, takes little time or effort, and is relatively quiet.  You can send or receive a text message in a meeting, in class, in church, or generally anywhere you couldn’t make a phone call.  Question:  if you can’t make a phone call where you are, did you ever stop to think you shouldn’t be texting where you are?

I consider texting, personally, to be one of the most rude intruders into what is left of common courtesy.  It is generally accepted that one would not take a phone call at the dinner table, but students and adults the same find it perfectly acceptable to be twiddling thumbs over a keypad under the table during mealtime.

Secondly, texting removes the need for personal confrontation and real conversation.  My sisters and I somewhat jokingly call it ‘The Coward’s Way’.  Now, dear readers, don’t get up in arms at me yet; there are perfectly good uses for texting  (moms to children, and emergencies, come to mind).  But before someone takes on texting, perhaps they should master the art of conversation over the phone.  Since before the telephone was invented at the end of the 19th century people have used their mouths to communicate — a general gift God has given us to speak to one another, using inflection, tone, and one’s individual language.  Nothing can equal this, and there will never come a day when good oral communication skills are not necessary.  Texting undermines these skills completely and makes our generation (the main contributer to its popularity) lazy in that category.

Lastly, texting and online communication have destroyed the little that is left of grammar and writing skills in our society.  You don’t need spelling or real words to communicate now; most students can understand the internet jargon that can’t be found in a dictionary.   Quick communication, as is usual with all things that are hasty, lacks quality.

This isn’t meant to be a tirade on the evils of Facebook and texting simply because Phylicia has neither.  I have experienced both, and because of that, I have chosen not to endorse them in my own lifestyle.  I challenge my readers to consider their own communication skills in society.  As Christians, we need to be dedicated to excellence in all areas.  This makes us effective witnesses for God.  Personally, I find Facebook and the like to be more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to my personal growth and character.  Perhaps it won’t be the same for you.

We want to be morally, spiritually, mentally, and physically excellent.  Why not strive for social excellence as well?  We are called to stand out.  Don’t be caught behind the cue ball when it comes to your social skills as a young woman; a young woman’s grace and poise are some of her greatest attributes.  They are rare today.  If our culture insists on being socially backwards, lets remain facing forward, and be the difference!

Category: Godly Womanhood

Tags: college students, courtesy, culture, etiquette, Facebook, manners, society, texting

Posted By Phylicia on December 30, 2009 | 1 Comment

“No men, no mirrors, no makeup”:  that is a mantra I can believe in!  For the rest of the month that I am home, my mom  was given four free month-long trials at Curves for two of my sisters, me, and herself.  I was curious to see what a Curves would be like because, as my sister Autumn speculated, “I thought it was going to be a bunch of old ladies from the Red Hat Society.”  I didn’t exactly think that, but I was interested in an all-female workout option.

At college our gym is very nice, but I never really liked doing my crunches next to a floor-to-ceiling mirror that just emphasized the fact that my makeup was smeared or absent, I was covered in sweat, and I wasn’t accomplishing as much as I wanted to.  The cardio room irritated both me and my roommate, who said she felt like a deli ham behind the glass window — everyone looks in when they walk by.  And my last bone to pick with LaHaye (or any gym for that matter) is the sweaty, grunting, weight-hefting guys.  How nice to work out with just girls!

My sisters, mom and I went to Curves this morning for our first actual workout.  I ran for 15 minutes beforehand for extra cardio, but the workout at Curves — combining cardio and strength training — lasted a half hour and accomplished a lot.  The fun of it is the socializing along with the exercise.  It makes it go faster.  In addition, the whole facility is very feminine and relaxing, unlike many gyms that are more masculine in nature.

If you have a Curves near you (which you probably do!) I would suggest just trying it out.  I have yet to see the results of the workout, but right now I think when I return to Lynchburg I will be looking into a membership!

Category: Practical Beauty

Tags: cardio, Curves, exercise, health, workout

Posted By Phylicia on December 29, 2009 | 1 Comment

Maybelline, Rimmel, and Avon all carry mousse foundation.

For those of you girls who love the look of liquid foundation but can’t use it without breaking out, I have discovered the solution!  This product has the consistency of liquid foundation and covers with the same effect, but is not as thick or oily.  It is a great base for powder foundation, which doesn’t always cover as well as liquid does.

Normally, I put on powder cover up — a shade lighter than my natural color — then put on the mousse.  This smooths out my complexion before the powder foundation.  I follow that with a cool blush (both my powder foundation and blush are from Bare Minerals or a knock-off mineral brand).

So far, as long as I don’t fall asleep wearing this mousse I have had no issues with break outs, which I formerly had when I wore liquid foundations.  I highly recommend this product to any make-up junkies like myself!

Category: Practical Beauty

Tags: beauty, foundation, makeup, mousse

Posted By Phylicia on December 29, 2009 | No Comments

This is an old post that I discovered in my Drafts folder.  I was leaving Thanksgiving break at the time of writing.

I am sitting in the airport terminal about an hour and half from home, waiting for my plane.  I can’t believe that my Thanksgiving break went so quickly!  My mom and two sisters dropped me off and it was hard not to cry — even though I am going to be gone only three weeks before my next break.  I wasn’t homesick till I went home…

I missed my siblings.  The four younger ones grew about seven inches collectively (Ella is topped out now at 5′9″), so everyone was much bigger than when I left!  I doubt they will grow much in the next three weeks but it’s still going to be a while without the family… my loud, rambunctious, fun-times family!

I talk about a lot of things on this blog, but one of them I don’t cover often is family life.  How do you treat your family?  How do they treat you?  Whether you were homeschooled, Christian or public schooled, your family is who you return to at the end of the day.  They will always be there no matter what happens in your life.  They are your greatest connection.  Too often, though, we treat these family members the worst.

My siblings irritated me, and I irritated them, when I lived at home 24/7.  Even now, we managed to get in a few spats in one week under the same roof.  When you combine so many different personalities those kinds of arguments are inevitable.  But in the long run, conflict in a family can either draw it closer together or push each member away.  Some conflicts result in deep feelings of bitterness held for years against a sibling or parent.  This is not so in my family — mostly thanks to my dad, who made sure those arguments didn’t fester for long periods of time.  But without dad, it is up to each of us to decide whether to forgive and keep the family in unity or to hold a grudge… and destroy the best friends we are supposed to have.

I think I can safely say now that my siblings are my best friends.  It helps that we have all grown older.  We don’t pull hair and poke eyes like we used to (most of the time).  I think I am very blessed to have the siblings I have.  I know they put up with a lot in the form of me. That’s something to be grateful for in itself!

Ask yourself today if you consider your sibs friends or enemies.  Whichever you decide, why did you choose that one?  What can be made better?  Remember that friends come and go, but family is forever.  Make that ‘forever’ as enjoyable as possible!

Category: Friendships

Tags: family, friends, God, unity

Posted By Phylicia on December 27, 2009 | 1 Comment

You’re standing by the podium on the stage of your high school graduation ceremony.  The faces of loving, proud parents and friends look up at you.  Everyone congratulates you when you announce your plans to head away to further your education.  You’re only eighteen, but you think you know what you want to do…

Let me suggest one thing:  think again.

In fact, think many times!  I stood before a crowd of several hundred at my own home school graduation ceremony — all of them friends and family — and announced my hopes to finish my then-in-the-works degree on campus at Liberty.  Since that time I have reached that dream, and I am very happy that I did.  Yet at the same time there are some things I wish I knew before I headed away to a campus for my education.  Sometimes I wonder if campus life is everything that we as students are told that it is.

If you’ve read my bio you know I did my first two years of college online through Liberty along with community college credits that I earned.  Liberty’s online program is one of the best, and I love the academics offered both via internet and on campus.   When I was online, though, I constantly perused the Liberty website, looking at the pictures of students having the time of their lives.  I wished I was there.  Now I am, and for those who are in the state I was two years ago:  think again.

Every college is going to put its best face forward on its website and in its literature.  Liberty, as one of the largest evangelical Christian universities in the world, has a lot to offer and makes that apparent.  Liberty’s academics, athletics, spiritual life and opportunities, counseling and leadership, and all-around administration are top notch.  Everything is available for a student who wants to succeed.  Note that I say wants to succeed.

Most colleges will offer you the time of your life, but I am here to tell you that once you get past the financial aid advisor and academic counselor, you will be on your own.  The time of your life will be consumed with whatever you fill it with. The pattern of your college experience is established by one person:  YOU.  It is up to you to choose carefully and ‘build for all time, not just for present pleasure’ (Beautiful Girlhood).  As a junior in college, a home school grad and someone who may be a few years ahead of a few of my readers, I have a few suggestions as you choose what to do about your college and career:

• Choose your college carefully. That may sound basic, but websites and literature can be deceiving.  I visited one college whose literature made it seem like the Mecca of social activity and excellent academics — but it was actually based in a summer resort town in Indiana that was dead for the entire school year.  The academics might have been good, but the area provided little outside of schoolwork.  Choose a college that prepares you academically, mentally, and physically for the calling you feel God has given you.  If the college is secular, make sure there are Christian groups or Bible studies to join immediately, as well as a church nearby to connect with.  College is not meant to define you as a person.  You define the college that achieves your goals.
• Choose your activities carefully.  At LU, it is nearly overwhelming the amount of activities available on a given weekend.  There are multiple clubs, groups, and studies to join, games to attend, and social outings to go to.  What you decide on not only reflects your personality but also develops who you will be upon graduation.  The kids that head to the off campus parties every weekend just won’t be as successful as those who choose a Bible study or club related to their major.  Budget your time to maintain a good grade point average.  Go to bed on time and get up early.  Choose activities that fit those goals.  These aren’t suggestions to ruin fun:  these are the things that happen in real life. Unfortunately, today’s college environment is not real at all.  It is a world where what you do for fun has little to no effect upon your life.  Those habits, however, die hard, and few employers will tolerate the college lifestyle in an adult workplace.
• Choose your friends carefully.  You’ve heard this one before, but college is when it can really hit the fan.  I thought I had a grasp on this but I have discovered not how important it is at college, but how vital it is at college.  The word ‘vital’ implies that without something, one dies.  Without good, solid, Christian friends your spiritual strength will die.  You will lose sight of your calling, you will lose your motivation, and you will become a ‘Champion of Compromise’ along with the majority of our generation.  Choose friends that truly lift and encourage you upward in your faith.  My parents were told when they were first married that you know a man by who his friends are.  How true that is!  Choose those who value what you value, and believe what you believe.
• Choose your classes carefully.  And I said you. Not Momma.  Nowadays you can register for classes online after talking on the phone with an advisor (unfortunately, most advisors do NOT text).  You need to know what classes you are taking, what books you need, and you need to run through the financial check in or other issues yourself.  You need to know what money is being shelled out and where it goes.  This is your education — not your parents’.  Thus, choose classes that move you toward your major the fastest, and understand what those tuition dollars are paying for.  It’s not the sister-brother dorm party!
• Choose your job carefully.  Yes, a job. If you don’t have  car that is okay, because most colleges offer on-campus employment.  Whether you think your college is paid for the year or not, you need to be working to pay what debts you have.  In addition, it increases your association with real life.  Real life is about making money to survive, unlike the bubble environment that college supplies.  You need to eat.  Dining halls last only four years.  Choose a job that preferably fits your major, and if not, may build up your resume at the very least.  Work hard and be on time.  If you are choosing your friends and activities carefully, that shouldn’t be a problem!
• Finally, choose your attitude carefully.  I will be writing more on this in the future because I have found it to be such an issue in Christian college students!  Your attitude will determine your success not only in college but in your entire life.  If you go away to school with the idea that it’s about social life and a good time, with a degree as a footnote, then your priorities will be undeniably skewed.  The correct attitude recognizes a clear goal, and education as the means to attain it.   Social life and activities are just perks to benefit the ultimate goal.  A right attitude ultimately places Christ at the center of the dream, and all other choices flow from that central point of pleasing Him.

Today college is considered an entitlement.  It’s not!  An education is a privilege.  Treat it so, and choose carefully — you are building for all time.

Category: Godly Womanhood

Tags: attitude, college, college life, degree, dorms, girls, job, Liberty U, major, men, schooling