Here's how to inoculate ourselves against negative ones. Verified by Psychology Today. Beyond Blame. Dear Dr. Alasko: I consider myself a kind person, but I've never figured out a way to tell someone I've been dating that I'm no longer interested. Usually I try to get the message across by not answering the phone, etc.
Our hearts are not meant to be broken, and anyone who has found themselves in that unfortunate situation can attest to the pain and frustration it causes. Establishing your purpose for dating from the very beginning will help eliminate a variety of uncomfortable and downright painful situations before they even arise. Full disclosure, I firmly believe that the ultimate goal of dating is marriage, as I think dating provides a time to get to know another and make a well-informed decision regarding whether or not that person is someone you could spend forever with. If the purpose is something other than marriage, it is probably tied to a lack of commitment in some form, be it physical or emotional. Getting to know someone intimately through a romantic relationship forces us to open up and share ourselves in a way different than we share ourselves with any other and the further we let another in, the closer and more entwined with that person we become. It seems reckless to let someone in on such a deep level and not actively be thinking about having this person remain an integral part of your life.
For the rest of us, modern dating is a minefield. There are so many rules and games to play it's easy to lose track. You might be "left on read" by someone you really liked, and your mind may spin out of control when you're over-analysing what their last few messages really meant. The woes don't necessarily stop when you find someone. With Tinder right at your fingertips, it's tempting to go back and see if there is someone out there who is just a bit more perfect.
Choose your place wisely. Is it a weekday that's not Thursday or Friday? Because any bar will do, unless it's so crowded that you have to shout. Stay away from anyplace where groups of art school students arrive in herds and Instagram their mango-cilantro margaritas — they will take notes on their phones and incorporate the dialogue into their webseries.